With that sad mindset, I went to the General Relief Society Broadcast of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (I'm mormon). This is a once-a-year meeting for the women in the LDS church, broadcast live from Salt Lake City, Utah. In truth, I wasn't thrilled to go. The meetings can be boring. But before the broadcast, a lady in the local church leadership got up and sang Consider the Lilies of the Field (by Roger Hoffman, inspired by Luke 12):
For whatever reason, this struck me very strongly. I was so worried about money I wasn't trusting in the Lord to watch over us. Then I got a very strong impression, right there during the song, that we needed to try for a baby in February (5 months from then). Then another impression, that it would be a little girl, and she belongs in our family."Consider the lilies of the field,
how they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with His eye.""Consider the sheep of his fold,
How they follow where he leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.""He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with his eye.""Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth...
The pains of all of them he carried
From the day of his birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And he will heal those who trust him,
And make their hearts as gold."
(I may have made that last part up. Sometimes my mind likes to pretend it knows what God plans for us. If the baby is not a girl, my faith won't be shaken or anything. But that's what I thought I felt at the time.) UPDATE: it is, indeed, a girl.
I don't often get spiritual promptings. Usually the Lord just says to me "keep my commandments and you'll do all right, whatever you decide to do". So this struck me all the more strongly. I didn't tell anyone for a few months.
Finances got worse. A lot worse. We were in credit card debt for the first time ever, and not for making foolish purchases- just a few months of bad luck. I thought "I must have made things up. The Lord wouldn't want us to bring a baby into a world of debt. There's no way this is happening". I told my husband the impressions I had had and we were both sad that it just didn't seem possible.
And then... in January we got our Tax Return, we got some help from family, and we got out of debt. We were still barely getting by, but a burden was lifted. No plans for a baby still, though.
Then a miracle happened. Out of nowhere a client I had worked with at my old full-time consulting job found me on the internet and asked if I'd like to consult for them (I had quit my job over a year ago because I couldn't work and tend to an infant). 50 dollars an hour, no more than 10 hours a week unless I asked for more. I could do it from home and choose my own hours. When word got out I was consulting again, TWO more companies reached out, and I took one of those jobs too.
In order for it to work, we'd have to get my son out of my hair a few hours a week. I searched and searched for a daycare but nothing felt right and few would take him for as few hours as I wanted. Then a sweet daycare woman told me that it sounded to her like we needed a Mothers Day Out program and told me of a fabulous one at a local Christian church. Sure enough, it's perfect! D goes to school 3 days a week for 5 hours. He loves it, and it has helped his development and social skills so much.
So, just before February, we were blessed and things fell into place. Within 5 months we went from poor with no foreseeable way to afford a baby, to being out of debt with money to spare- just enough to afford the pregnancy. The Lord couldn't have orchestrated it better. All the sudden my prompting from September came back to me. I could see now that God knew all along. February.
So we went off birth control in February and conceived March 25th, 2010. 12 days later I got my answer, we're having a baby!